Lighten Up, It's the Holidays

Lighten Up, It's the Holidays

Submitted by Jen Jones on Thu, 12/24/2009 - 3:01am

Lighten Up, It's the Holidays

Well, it's the holidays, so it's time have some fun and hopefully, forget about all those pesky financial problems. They say humor is the best medicine, so we searched around and came up with a few great jokes about, well, what else? Money! Enjoy ...

At the annual Christmas gathering, all the kids were at the feet of their wealthy old great granddad, who was settled in his chair entertaining them with classic yarns about days gone by and memorable life adventures. One of the kids asked him, "Pappy, how did you make all of your money?"

"Well, son," he said while stuffing his pipe with fragrant cinnamon tobacco. "It was the Great Depression, and I was down to my last nickel. I found an old fruit stand and bought the cheapest apple I could find with that nickel, all bruised and dirty. So I polished it up, kept it cold and fresh and the next day, sold that apple for a dime. The next day, I did the same, but this time invested in two dirty old apples. I sold them again for even more. I did that each day for a month and made almost $2.00 by the end of that month."

"Then you saved enough to buy your own apple cart?" asked one of the enthralled children.

"Nah, my first wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

A customer called the customer service department of a company from which he recently ordered a product. "I'm looking for a product that should have been delivered a number of days ago. Can you tell me its status?"

The rep punched in the customer's account information. "Sir, I'm showing an overdue amount from the last order. We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."

"Oh," the customer pondered. "Well, cancel the new order, I can't wait that long for it."

Sid and Nancy walked into the electronics store looking for a new home theater set up. "How can I help you?" asked the eager sales associate.

Sid replied, "Well, we're looking for a top of the line system, BluRay, surround, the works." The associate was thrilled and began showing them around the highest end products. A little nervous, Nancy cautioned, "I don't know if we can afford these, they just seem too much."

"No problem. You just put down a small payment now and not make another payment for six months."

Nancy blurts in surprise, "Who told you about us?!"

Cleaning her husband's dresser drawer before relocating to retire, a wife comes across an old cigar box under a pile of socks holding $5,000 cash and a couple of golf balls. Upon his return, the wife inquires, "Can you tell me about the money and golf balls in your top drawer?"

He sighs, sits her down and explains that every time he cheated on her over their 30-year marriage, he put a golf ball in the box. The wife cried a bit, gathered herself and said, "Well, twice in 30 years isn't terrible. We can get through this. But what about the money?"

The husband looked around. "Each time I collected a dozen balls I sold them."

The bankruptcy judge peered out over his glasses at a gentleman filing Chapter 13. "Okay, sir, I've decided to give your creditors $450 per month."

"Thank you, your honor," the petitioner responded. "And every once in a while I'll send them a few bucks myself."

Remember, keep things in perspective, and go have some eggnog.

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